Failing on Fridays
Do you ever hesitate to try something new because you don't want to fail? Are you so used to doing things well that you don't want to try something that might be uncomfortable or that you might not do perfectly?
A woman I admire is Reshma Saujani, founder of Girls Who Code and now leader of Moms First, an organization pushing for change in how we support families (child care, paid leave, equal pay). She's a dynamo. On LinkedIn she often shares a setback on what she calls #FailureFriday. Her stories serve as a reminder that we limit ourselves if we don't try new things just because we're afraid to fail.
A recent Friday happened to be one of my better Failure Fridays. A goal of mine has been to learn the bus system in my city (Portland, Maine), but I had put off figuring it out. Directionally challenged on good days, I set out on a recent Friday morning to take a public bus to the car dealer where my Honda's AC was being fixed. It should have been an easy 30-minute ride after a five-minute walk to the bus stop. But I got turned around, and waited on the wrong side of the street in downtown Portland for over an hour. When I finally realized my mistake (and after asking for help), two buses had sailed by me. I failed spectacularly in my first effort to learn something new — Portland's bus system — but I ultimately learned what I needed to know.
If you're worried about learning a new field, exploring a new career, or even taking some time off to figure out what you want to do next, I invite you to consider if fear of failure is holding you back. Three thinkers I admire address this topic well: Shirzad Chamine, leader of a mental fitness training program called Positive Intelligence, and Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis from Amazing If and authors of The Squiggly Career and Gremlins: Knowing and Caging.
In Positive Intelligence or PQ, Chamine calls the negative thoughts that hold us back “saboteurs.” The "stickler" is the saboteur that comes closest to fear of failure. Positive Intelligence is based on three components: building up self-command (keeping the brain out of survival mode and in thrive mode), weakening our saboteurs, and strengthening our sage powers (empathy, explore, innovate, navigate, activate). Increasing mental fitness takes some effort, and the PQ program is backed by scientific research. You strengthen your neural pathways through PQ reps, similar to exercises someone might do in a gym to strengthen their core. The idea (and the science behind it) is that by building up the neural pathways in the positive emotion parts of our brain, we strengthen our mental fitness.
Similarly, Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis write and talk frequently about gremlins, the "beliefs that hold you back." In their latest book Gremlins: Knowing and Caging, they offer steps to identify gremlins (including the "fear of failing" gremlin) and then caging gremlins. They argue that pride (celebrate your successes), perspective (get someone else to weigh in on what you might be good at), practice (take that bus ride), projection (know what's likely to trip you up and have a realistic plan), and people (share your gremlin with someone: "a gremlin shared is a gremlin halved" p. 62) will help us cage these beasts.
I always chuckle at the Friday failure hashtag because I fail pretty much every day at something. The difference now is that when I do fail, I look for the learning and I keep my sense of humor. If there's some step you're considering taking, I encourage you to examine if a gremlin or saboteur might be holding you back.
