Don’t mess with the mamas
Recently I was lucky to travel with my 28-year-old son, Kyle, to Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. Recently I was also lucky to attend virtually the Moms First Summit led by Reshma Saujani.
Kyle and I have visited several national parks before: Acadia, Grand Canyon, Volcano, Bryce, Zion, Yosemite. With the exception of Yosemite, I don't remember receiving such extensive wildlife warnings. Everywhere we turned in Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Park there were reminders to be "bear aware," social media posts about elk in parking areas with their young, and notes on what to do if you encounter a mother bison and her calf.
The message was clear: if you are near a mother animal and her offspring, understand the power of these mothers. Sadly, the newspaper in Jackson reported on our last day a man was injured by a grizzly bear when he tried to photograph the bear and her two cubs. As we drove through both parks (and occasionally while we hiked), we saw an abundance of wildlife. Kyle and I remarked that before we had visited these parks, we knew that female animals with young become defensive, but this trip brought that message home. The strength of mothers will dominate my memories of this trip.
Just about a week before I travelled west, I had hopped on the virtual portion of the inaugural Moms First summit. All I could think about after this summit was precisely the same message that stayed in my mind in the parks: don't mess with the mamas.
Some takeaways from the summit, led by the indomitable Reshma Saujani (founder of Girls Who Code and now Moms First):
Mothers are powerful when we organize and support each other. Back in the 1990s when I was a stay-at-home mother, the divide was much greater between those mothers working outside the home and those focusing on caregiving. In fact, the term "Mommy Wars" developed in the 90s. At the same time, though, voices like Arlene Cardozo’s talked about "sequencing" from career to caregiving back to career, and organizations like "Mothers and More" (I founded a chapter in my little town in Iowa) demonstrated that mothers always do more than just change diapers and drive children to school. In this way, we were a precursor to what Neha Ruch advocates so compellingly today at Mother Untitled. To quote from her organization’s website: “Since 2017, Mother Untitled has been on a mission to update the perception of stay-at-home motherhood in America, infusing it with ambition, dignity, growth, and potential.” A clear takeaway from the Moms First summit: mothers' interests — whether we are receiving a paycheck or not — are unified: support for families, options for caregiving, flexibility at work, choices for mothers, and shared caregiving with partners.
During one of the keynote conversations at the Moms First Summit, Reshma spoke with former First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton. HRC highlighted two truths: policies need to change (federal support for universal child care, family leave policies), but also personal support ("it takes a village") is essential. Throughout the summit, presenter after presenter lifted up those who helped them. Cat Canada from Bobbie, the organic formula company that has created a work environment in their own company that works for women, even thanked her nanny. One panel included a single mother who shared her very personal challenges and the support she receives.
Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer underscored the economic case for reproductive rights. She reminded us that she once said (and still repeats): "If you think abortion isn’t an economic issue, then you probably don’t have a uterus."
Finally, speakers like the leader of the me too movement, Tarana Burke from Girls for Gender Equity talked about unique challenges moms of color face and how advocating for change for women of color (there is a black maternal death crisis) will benefit all of us.
The message I heard is that mothers are facing complex challenges in finding and affording child care, navigating return to office policies, and sharing the emotional labor and parenting labor with their partners and spouses. Every solution to these challenges requires a "both/and" approach, and recognizing the intersection of issues related to race and class and gender remains paramount.
These are just a few of the highlights of this impressive gathering, and I invite you to check out the full recording here. If you're a mother, it might help you feel less alone and remind you of the power we have when we work together to help all mothers, whether we are currently in the paid workforce or not. It might also help you find some other inspirational mothers to follow.
