What to Expect
When I was a new mom, the "What to Expect" books were new, too, and they were all the rage. Are they still even a thing? I remember appreciating the books because they gave me a guide and they made some of the unknown known. Now, as a career coach, I follow lots of different thought leaders, influencers, and some actual experts. There's a line of thought that intrigues me, and that is the listing of steps to take or questions to ask. My favorite lately is "What would you tell your younger self?"
Maybe I'm wrong (and that's often the case), but it feels like a lot of the advice and lists I read are there in the hopes we can manage (read: control) our lives. If we could tell our 18-year-old self to relax and not worry about which college she gets in, maybe some real 18-year-old will read that and not stress out so much during college application season. Maybe in the post-covid era that we all hope we are reaching, our need for control is greater than ever. Maybe it's the metrics-obsessed culture we live in: an "if you can't measure it, you can't manage it" mantra. "Maybe" is the key word here. I'm suggesting a different view: there are no wrong paths, or guaranteed steps, or goof-proof plans to bring you career success, or parenting success, or life success.
Embrace the chaos. Embrace the two steps forward and the one step backward nature of (most) of our lives. Tidy up what you can. Measure what you must. But let go of the notion that we can measure and manage any or everything. How is it that living in the most chaotic time we've ever known hasn't completely underscored the notion that control is just a nice idea when human beings and the real world are involved? I still plan (a lot), but now I know (often) that those plans will change.
So, in your job search, please let go of the idea that if you do everything right you'll land that perfect job. There are things you can improve and practice, yes, but so much is still not within our control. My job as a career coach is to help you find your passion and identify your strengths. And then help you find an employer who recognizes those gifts. It might take a while to do that and it might take some compromising. But it's your personal journey and not some checklist of must-do items that you tick off one by one. In any Odd Couple metaphor, I'm always the Felix to anyone else's Oscar, but I've learned a few things from Oscar in my six decades. It's a messy world, and the one thing we do consistently as humans is mess up. So, give yourself grace, keep your sense of humor, keep planning, and don't be afraid to change your mind and accommodate the whimsy of life. What to expect in the job search isn't much different than what to expect in the rest of our lives: changed plans, challenges, detours, and delights.
