Embrace the Awkward
Not too long ago a career coach friend of mine and I got talking about the "awkwardness" our clients often describe feeling — whether reaching out to a new contact, following up after an interview, or just trying to learn more about a job. There's an innate hesitation many of us have.
Anecdotally, it seems to me that the fear of something being awkward has only increased in the last decade or so. It's not just something our teenage kids talk about. Maybe it was all that social isolation of the pandemic. All of these definitions from Merriam-Webster seem to apply:
Awkward:
1a: lacking dexterity or skill (as in the use of hands)
I'm awkward with a needle and thread.
b: showing the result of a lack of expertness
an awkward attempt
awkward pictures
2a: lacking ease or grace (as of movement or expression) awkward writing
b: lacking the right proportions, size, or harmony of parts : UNGAINLY
an awkward design
3a: lacking social grace and assurance
an awkward newcomer
b: causing embarrassment
an awkward moment
4: not easy to handle or deal with : requiring great skill, ingenuity, or care
an awkward load
an awkward diplomatic situation
Right now I'm reading Michelle Obama's, "The Light We Carry." (And, if you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend this insightful and delightful book.) In a chapter on the importance of friendships in all of our lives, Obama addresses this fear of being awkward head-on.
"Nowadays, when I'm talking to young people...they'll say it feels weird and awkward to pursue a potential friend, to ask someone to have coffee or get together outside of work or school, or to try talking face-to-face with someone they've only known online. They worry about appearing too eager, thinking it makes them seen desperate or cool. They are afraid to take that risk, worried about rejection. Their fears — no surprise — become their limits this way." (p. 127)
Obama's book is called "The Light We Carry" because she brilliantly understands the differing gifts in each of us. She affirms the light that each of us carry. "To say I am curious about you is a form of gladness, and gladness...is nourishing. Yes, it can be awkward to express for the very first time that you might actually be glad to see someone if they were to meet you for coffee ...but when they do show up and you do feel glad, you both get the gift. You're finding the light in another person, creating something new together." (p. 130)
Although Michelle Obama is writing about making friends here, I think her point extends to networking, developing relationships with work friends, or even following up with potential employers. If we let the awkwardness of it all keep us from moving forward, we are allowing our fears to become our limits.
What's the worst thing that can happen when you reach out to someone? If the answer is that you feel uncomfortable or uncool, I say okay. That you can live with. I encourage you to embrace the awkward.
