I can’t draw…yet
When I told my artist friend that I wanted to take some studio art classes now (and I'm in my 60s), he said "great, just don't say you can't paint or draw." I think I'd been saying that for years as an art lover who recognized so many with greater skills. The point is well taken: I can't paint or draw like a professional, that’s true, but it's really “I can't paint or draw yet.” If I keep an open mind and learn, I will be painting and drawing with greater skill fairly soon.
"Can't" and "won't" are words I hear frequently from clients and I say myself. It's understandable: we seek closure and definition in our lives because the world is a chaotic place. Some of these are healthy choices, such as setting boundaries and behaving ethically, but some limit us. As you start a job search, I'd encourage you to keep an open mind to opportunities.
This doesn't only feel right and sound good, it's a practice backed by science. I often recommend the renowned psychologist Carol Dweck's TED talk about the "power of yet." She emphasizes the benefits of maintaining a growth mindset.
How might this look in your job search?
$$$$
“I can't work for less than $80,000 because that's what I'm earning after 20 years of XYZ job."
I fully accept the challenge it is to make ends meet, even with families that have two paid workers, but sometimes there are other factors that outweigh salary: more flexibility, more opportunity for growth and learning, a chance to work with a great team or an amazing boss or in a location you've always wanted to be. Focus on your values first (and if valuing $$ is at the top, fair enough) so you are making a decision on what matters most. To you.
Commute
"I can't commute far; my work needs to be within a twenty-minute drive."
If you're a single parent, this may be not be negotiable, but if you share parenting duties, stay open to opportunities that mean a slightly further commute. Saying yes to a commute to start is not necessarily saying yes to a commute forever. If the job offers more salary, more challenge (of the good type), and more room for growth, it might be worth a longer commute. Good employers want to keep talent. Once they see how much you contribute to their organization, there may be more chances for flexible arrangements.
1/2
"I can't work part-time."
This may be hard and fast if you are the sole wage earner in the family, but if you have any flexibility, check out part-time options, too. Especially if you are returning from a career pause. Way leads on to way, and if there's a part-time option with an organization you love it may very well lead to a full-time gig.
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Consider replacing those words "can't" and "won't" with the words "maybe" or "yet." I wrote this in an earlier blogpost, but it bears repeating here. My favorite TV hero, Ted Lasso, talks about the growth mindset in an episode with the grumpy but endearing Roy Kent. Roy muses that he left Chelsea because he didn't want to be seen as an athlete in decline, who was “taking up space.” He's thinking he would have been better off staying and enjoying himself. Why didn't he? Because “...that is not who I am,” Roy says. Ted's response: “Not yet.”
